Would you like some cheese with your whine?

It's rainy here in New York today. It’s the kind of day that makes you want to sit around drinking tea and reflecting. I had a dream last night. Jordan and I were moving in to a new house. We were not worrying about money. The house was on a beautiful piece of property and every time I turned a corner there was another bathroom. (I think it had four full baths and three half baths, if I remember correctly.)

About a year ago I was sitting in my house in Massachusetts, and I couldn't wait to live in an apartment in Manhattan. Now I've been living in an apartment in Manhattan for about 10 months and I can’t wait to have a house. I have a case of the grass is always greener.
We lived in a four-bedroom house in a nice suburb outside of Boston. Granted it wasn't a very nice house. It was lopsided, it didn't have a dining room, the wall-to-wall carpeting in the bedrooms was crappy, there were mice, it was drafty, the basement was unfinished and scary, there was hardly any storage space in the kitchen, you had to drive everywhere, our gas and electric bills were enormous (between $300-$500 a month), etc.
BUT,it had some great qualities too. We had LOTS of storage space, we lived across the street from a lovely park with trails that I walked Dexter in twice a day, we had a garden, we had free parking, a FANTASTIC dog park was a five minute car ride away, we could ride our bikes around the neighborhood, we didn't have to wait for an elevator, I could open the back door and let Dexter out for a quick pee, etc.

Now we live in Manhattan (where I grew up). We have a huge (for Manhattan standards), two bedroom apartment. (Thank god the hospital offers subsidized housing.) It's on the 32 floor, we have huge windows that overlook the East River, we have a dishwasher, we have hardwood floors, we have a walk in closet, there is a washer and dryer down the hall, we don’t have to take the garbage and recycling outside, we have a doorman, everything is within walking distance, we have access to the greatest restaurants and stores in the world, we don't pay for gas and our electric bill is about $40 a month, there's always something to do or see, almost all of our friends live in this area, etc.
BUT, there are some downsides. We don't have a lot of storage space, we have to pay to do our laundry, we have to pay two hundred and something dollars a month for parking, we don't have a garden, taking Dexter out is a whole event, EVERYTHING is more expensive, the nearest dog “park” is about a 20 minute walk away and it's just a fenced it cement area, sometimes you have to wait a really long time for the elevator, you have to make sure you're not being too loud and disturbing the neighbors, there isn't a lot of grass, etc.

I love Manhattan. We will be here for AT LEAST another four years. Why can't I just be satisfied? This is, after all, WHAT I WANTED. I am so not a fan of this aspect of my personality.

I have the best husband IN THE WORLD, the best dog IN THE WORLD, three AWESOME cats, my friends are nearby, I have a great apartment in a great neighborhood, etc., etc.
I SHOULD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BE THANKFUL.

BUT, we have no money, I am trying to come to terms with my physical limitations, my camera is broken and I can't afford a new one, three people close to me are sick or have cancer, yada, yada, yada.

I'm having a pity party.

Wanna come?