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Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Holy Crap! (Pun intended)

I am finally feeling somewhat better. I am exhausted.
At 10pm on Monday night just as the husband and I were about to leave his parents house my stomach started to bother me and I had a rather unfortunate experience in their bathroom.
How I made it the forty minute drive back to Manhattan without soiling myself is a miracle.
When we got home I spent about an hour in the bathroom emptying, what I can only assume to be, the entire previous week's worth of food into the toilet bowl.
At midnight drained and empty(so I thought), I went to sleep.
At 5am I was woken up by the worst stomach cramps I've ever felt.
I rushed to the bathroom wondering how there could possibly be anything left in me.
My body had other plans.
I pooped blood. And for those of you wondering, this was not "wipe my ass and there is some blood on the toilet paper" blood; this was "blood clotts shooting out of my ass" blood.
I was very scared, as blood had never come out of my butt before.
I woke up my husband and we entered a new phase of our relationship; I made him look at my poop (please note that I don't even pee in front of him). Well, except that it wasn't really poop. It was JUST blood.
I'm sure he would prefer, if the next time I wake him up at 5am, that I'm wearing a French maid's outfit.
The husband and I had the first of many discussions about whether or not I should go to the hospital. We decided to see how the rest of the day went.
At 6am we called my mom and asked her to come to the city (she lives two hours away) because I couldn't leave the bathroom much less walk Dexter.
I spent the rest of the day drinking Gatorade, and making the noise "uhhhhhhhh."
I slept in the guest room next to my mother so that the husband could get some sleep.
I slept from midnight until 7am without getting up to poop.
I've only pooped once today (at 7am) and it was one tiny blood clot.
I'm feeling much better. I even had some toast and some soup.

Now, on to the mystery as to what exactly was wrong with me.

Was it the food I ate at my inlaws'?
We don't think so. Because:
a) Everyone ate the same food and no one else got sick
b) It happened too soon after I stopped eating

Was it this?

Or, this?

We don't think so. Because:

Have I mentioned how much I love my new shoes?

Here's what we think it is:
On Sunday morning before we left the Bed and Breakfast I had a some eggs. I like my eggs very well done and these were runny. The owner of the B&B made them just for me, so a felt obligated to at least take a couple of bites.
It's common with salmonella to experience bloody diarrhea.
It's also common for the symptoms to take 24-36 hours to show up.

For those of you who are mad at me for not going to the hospital, here are my reasons:
I'm married to a great doctor, who I trust.
I was peeing regularly, which means I wasn't dehydrated.
The husband brought drugs home from the hospital to inject me with, if I needed them.
My mommy was taking care of me.
There was NO WAY I was pooping in a bed pan.

posted by Torrie at Wednesday, August 03, 2005 |


Commented by Blogger Charlotte in Pa:

I'm so glad that you're okay, Torrie. I was waiting for an update, but didn't feel that it was polite for me to post and say, "Have you stopped pooping blood yet?!?" I hope that you continue to feel better. Thank God for Gatorade!

4:45 PM 
Commented by Blogger JessicaRabbit:

I am soooooo glad to hear your feeling better lady. Very glad.

4:51 PM 
Commented by Blogger Circus Kelli:

Whoa! I'm glad you are doing better, Torrie. That's some scary sh-- uh, stuff.

4:51 PM 
Commented by Anonymous Dr. Torrie:

Uh....yeah. I'm similarly psyched that the blood-pooping has tapered off. I get enough of that at my day job, you know?

4:54 PM 
Commented by Anonymous Dr. Torrie:

It's also worth noting that the Google ad on this page is one for "Gas, Bloating, Flatulence."

You're clearly inviting the right demographic.

4:55 PM 
Commented by Blogger Southern Fried Girl:

Thank you for the update - was getting concerned. Poor you - thank goodness there is Dr. Torrie.

5:18 PM 
Commented by Blogger Candace:

Dude, how lucky are you that you regularly shag a great doctor? No more unneccesary trips to the ER for YOU, young lady!

6:15 PM 
Commented by Blogger Nilbo:


But I'm delighted you're OK.

But ... oy.

6:32 PM 
Commented by Anonymous kalki:

Having a husband-doctor must be such a comfort. I'm relieved you're feeling better, babe.

7:29 PM 
Commented by Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes:

Glad the Gatorade and Mom helped. It is a powerful combination.

Now tell your poop to straighten up and fly right.

8:04 PM 
Commented by Blogger Lasadh:

What, no action shot of the blood clots shooting out of your butt? Sheesh!

I'm glad your'e feeling better!

9:43 PM 
Commented by Anonymous Amanda B.:

I have some shoes like that and I love them too. I'm glad you feel better chickadee.

P.S. Can you resend me the flikr link you sent earlier. Rain? I joined but now I can't find my way back because I'm a goober.

9:46 PM 
Commented by Blogger mrtl:

Good news!

Beware the runny eggs. (I'd avoid licking the shoes, too.)

10:39 PM 
Commented by Blogger Charlotte in Pa:

PS - your husband is cuuuuttteee!

11:07 PM 
Commented by Blogger Caroline:

Very very glad you're feeling better. And, hottie doctor husband! How do I sign up to get one of those?

11:54 PM 
Commented by Blogger Diana:

Glad you're on the mend.
I'm sure that was scary. I hate it when something weird happens with my body and I have no idea what it is. At 39, my own body is still a mystery to me... something I live with 24/7. Isn't that odd?

I like runny eggs! Over easy is my fave way! :( Does this mean I can only eat them scrambled now???

2:25 AM 
Commented by Blogger Ern:

If you had to poo in a bedpan, I'm sure Spoonleg could have given you some advice!

Glad you're feeling better chica!

12:04 PM 
Commented by Blogger Squirl:

Glad you're feeling better.

1:39 PM 
Commented by Blogger Annejelynn:

obviously, seeing the shoe shots, you're feeling better! yay~

3:06 PM 
Commented by Blogger Closet Metro:

ugh. glad you're feeling better and all, but ugh. just a wee bit tmi for the weak stomached out here.

(then again, I came looking for an update, so I guess I got what I asked for.)

5:17 PM 
Commented by Blogger snaps79:

Isn't butt pee the fucking worst? I've had food poisoning a few times in the last couple of years, and I have managed to shoot projectile vomit out of my mouth while running to the bathroom to shit. There's nothing like shitting in the can and puking in your garbage at the same time. You know what else is sick? Having such a terrible hangover that your own farts make you throw up. Been there. Done that. I rule.

8:24 PM 
Commented by Blogger Lazy Lightning:

Glad you're feeling better. Did you SEE what this post did to your google ads? You know how Google taylors the ads to the content...

I came to this site a few minutes ago and the ad headlines were:

"Bloody Diarrhea"
"Gas, Bloating, Flatulence"


3:09 AM 

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