I love my husband. I really do. But, there's something about him that really annoys the shit out of me; His ability to sleep.
First of all, he falls asleep about five seconds after his head hits the pillow. I, on the other hand lie there for an eternity trying to push all of the thoughts of the day out of my head, tossing and turning, while a cat sleeps on my head.
Once he is asleep he likes to further torture me with the following tactics:
Step one- Blow tufts of air out of his big pillowey lips, which makes a little sound. It's almost as bad as Chinese water torture.
Step two- Bend knees, feet flat on the bed. Due to the fact that he is sleeping, his legs begin to sway back and forth.
It is at this point that I sweep kick his legs which simultaneously stops the leg swaying and the lip sounds.
He wakes up, changes position, and falls right back to sleep with no memory of my military tactics.
I finally fall asleep only to be woken repeatedly by the dog having a dream, or the baby next door crying, or one of the cats standing outside my bedroom door screaming because she hasn't eaten in a whole TWO HOURS.
Come on people. I'm STARVING out here.
The husband, of course, sleeps through all of this.
Seriously, leave me a message! .