Thursday, November 03, 2005

9 Comments:

Commented by  Candy:

My x mother in law, my first one, was the person who got me into stripping, she was a dancer too.

Well one night in this cute white fur bunny rabbit outfit she had on she was on stage for a packed house dancing her little furry butt around, and she bent over, and she had started her period and didnt know it and her whole crotch was red and the first two rows got up and left....

AND

This adorable girl I worked with who had a perfect body, we called her the little black barbie doll, cause she was not even 5 feet tall, with beautiful c cup boobs, I mean perfect, and abs like pow and an ass like BAM and just so hot, she went on stage and was doing her nude floor show, rolling around naked basically, and she always did it with her eyes closed so she didnt have to see the guys watching her, well the stage was surrounded by black lights, and her tampon string was hanging down, and she was fairly dark skinned, so with the white string and the black lights and her skin tone...it was glowing like, WOW, and we were all waving trying to get her attention to tell her, but her eyes were closed......

2:21 PM 

Commented by  Katy Barzedor:

Well, in the spirit of menstrual-related embarassment, I always go back to 8th grade drama class. I walked onstage to perform whatever scene the class was workin' on, completely ignorning the noises that turned out to be my best friend, Julie, tryin' to get me to turn around and look at her. All I could think was I wanted to get my scene done, so I just concentrated on that and finished and walked offstage.
Did I mention I had on tan corduroy pants? Well, I did. And I'd started my period. And it was all over the back of my pants. And everyone saw.

Oy. I think I hid in the bathroom for about an hour.

3:03 PM 

Commented by  Caroline:

I thoroughly embarrass myself on a regular basis. I figure it has to be good for me somehow, right?

Just today I was in the toy section at WalMart and managed to make a whole tower of batman toys topple into the isle. In the front of the store. Where, like, 50 people were looking at me wondering what the hell I was doing in the toy isle anyway. I didn't know whether to try to put them back or just walk away.

Then there was last week when I said to a lady walking down the street "hey, I think you have some dirt or something on your nose" only to be mortified moments later when I realized it was a GIANT BULBOUS MOLE. She gave me one of the dirtiest looks I've ever seen.

Oh, and one time I totally spilled hot chocolate on my white shirt and didn't notice, and then I was talking to this guy and thought he was all into me because he kept looking at my boobs. So I was trying to be flirty and stuff and only realized when I saw my reflection in the window that, hey, you have a big ass brown stain on the front of your shirt dumbass.

Wow, I could keep going, but I think I'll stop there. Sorry for rambling. Flashbacks.

7:08 PM 

Commented by  The Q:

Ok this is totally non menstrual related but it is from the same nether region.

I used to work for a fairly hoighty toighty stock brokerage firm in San Francisco. They always went ALL out for their parties with TONS of food, drink and very swanky locations. The first year I worked there the Holiday Party was held at the City Hall.

There were a TON of people there, stock brokers, my co-workers, traders, operations, receptionists..I mean EVERYONE! REALLY nice FREE food and drink, who wouldn't come?

Anyway, The (not then) Hubs and I went up the marble stairs to look at how beautiful everything was and on the way down, I lost my footing. I was carrying a glass of wine (no I wasn't drunk, it was my first glass) and I somehow managed to NOT spill one single drop.

I ended up sideways on one of the stairs..I was in a sort of "crab" stance...my feet were on the floor and so was one of my hands (the other one with the wine was held up). My butt was inches off the stair and therefore my legs were SPREAD apart to balance myself.

HERE is where I fell down.

As the Hubs so eloquently put it afterwards..."You just flashed your ENTIRE company!"

We would later refer to it as the "Crab Stance Beaver Shot" and giggle like idiots.

Does that cheer you up any?

7:12 PM 

Commented by  Nilbo:

I was fifteen. She was the cutest girl at the pool. I knew how to impress her ... my patented back dive into a perfect pike off the three metre platform. (Yeah, you can see this coming up Eighth Avenue, can't you ..?)

I stood dramatically at the edge, and did that bouncy thing with my toes that the Olympic divers all do. Everybody was watching. I sprang into the air and arced gracefully backwards ... and backwards, and now I was flailing my arms but it didn't matter because I was hopelessly over-rotated. My toes hit the surface of the water at the same instant my nose did. My belly struck with (I was later told) a sickening splat just a fraction of a second later.

The impact took out my solar plexus - I could not draw a breath. I lay in the water face down as the lifeguards blew the whistle to get everybody out, and of course, they gathered round to see what all the fuss and bother was about.

The lifegaurds pulled me out and onto the deck, where I began gasping for air in huge, tortured breaths. I could barely make out what they were saying ... "Can you breathe?", "Easy, you're going to be alright.", "Don't try to move." ...

... and ... "Does somebody want to get his bathing suit out of the pool?"

Did I mention I was 15? FIFTEEN.

And I swear to God, it was SHRINKAGE. It's a real thing. Really.

7:30 PM 

Commented by  Elizabeth:

That would have to be the time that my ex-boyfriend and I were getting ready to do some nasty nasty doggie style and when we were in "position" I let the most hellacious fart out. Why he did not leave me at that moment is BEYOND ME.

11:47 PM 

Commented by  Sarcomical:

hey, my husband once was *ahem* on the toilet at a client site and had to *ahem* pee and *ahem* THOUGHT the business was inside the bowl but it wasn't completely *inside* the bowl and he peed on his pants.

now tell me that didn't cheer you up. just try.

11:30 AM 

Commented by  c:

Someone I know was once accused at a Victoria's Secret of having fake boobs.

:-)

7:48 PM 

Commented by  Susie:

JessicaRabbit took mine. :(

6:40 AM 

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