Saturday, November 12, 2005

I love you, now I'm going to take a shit.

We have an older cat that I hardly ever talk about. Her name is Annie.
Annie doesn't have the best personality in the world and she HATES the other two cats.


When we were living in Massachusetts all three cats had the run of the house and Annie spent most of her time hiding behind a box in the attic, hissing.
We decided this was no life for her so we tried something; we moved her into our bedroom and closed the door. The two younger cats were not allowed in.
Now, some people thinks it's cruel to keep a cat locked in one room, but Annie loved the isolation. She was never much of a player, we had bought her several toys and she just stared at them. Occasionally, she plays with her own tail, attacking it like it's the mortal enemy. She spent her days sleeping and watching the birds out the window, and her nights sleeping on my head and purring. ON MY HEAD.

I got used to sleeping on a vibrating pillow, but when we moved to Manhattan Annie started a new nightly routine that is driving me crazy.
1)I get in to bed and she comes up to me and slams her head into me repeatedly.
2)I roll over, turn the light off, and begin the battle of trying to fall asleep.
3)Annie starts eating her food. LOUDLY
4)Annie takes a crap. This entails scratching at the wall for ten minutes and beating the shit (pun intended) out of the door on the litter box.
5)She then runs over to her scratching post and goes to town
6)Finally, she Jumps on the bed, walks across my chest, and takes up residence on my pillow.

It's at this point that my nostrils start burning (as the husband sleeps, blissfully unaware, next to me) and I have to get out of bed, to scoop the kitty litter.

I think that her ritual is a celebration of my return to the bedroom. I really do. She digs me, and the husband and I are the only two people she is comfortable with.
It's like "Mommy is here! Hooray! I think I'll have a festival!"

CRAPTASTIC!

I hope when I have human babies they don't celebrate when they see me by crapping their pants. Unfortunately, from what I know of babies, I think I'm in trouble.

posted by Torrie at Saturday, November 12, 2005 |

8 Comments:

Commented by  Miz BoheMia:

Hi Torrie!
I am loving your blog and like to read your rants. I cannot stand good-golly-gee-life-is-peachy-keen type bull so this is refreshing!

I can relate to your cat experiences. I grew up with 5 cats. They have since passed but they all had their quirks.

Missy liked to suck fingers. It got to be very annoying as she would lunge for your finger as soon as you came to pet her so it took me a while to wean her off fingers!

Michou was a total dog. He drooled all the time and would try to eat anything and everything! One time I caught him with an entire string of my bikini in his mouth and I had to slowly pull it out. It was white and came out pink. Oy!

Tara experienced such heartache when her brother (Pussy!) never came home that she changed forever and loved smacking the other 4 around. My mom and siblings were even scared of her as she would smack them at times when they got on her nerves.

Linda was an insecure blond tabby who loved to walk around with flowers in her mouth and felt safe sucking a toy mouse.

Fluffy was Linda's brother and at times I would wake up to find them both sucking my hair.

Now I have Ella Blue and Ziggy Barley. They are ragdolls. So sweet yet so stupid! Ella Blue jumped into the toilet today. 'Nough said!

3:44 PM 

Commented by  Anonymous:

I was gonna say what Mrtl did!

Its not horrid to have her locked in your room. You and hubby know more than anyone your baby's temperment and what she likes and dislikes. I say good for you for figuring out what makes her happy and accomodating her.

Now Annie, CUT IT OUT and let Mama sleep!

6:49 PM 

Commented by  Elizabeth:

We gotta get Annie and Reba together. You pretty much just described my life. They are the same color even.

10:55 PM 

Commented by  Elizabeth:

PS - please know that only those do these cats truly love do they stick their furry cat asses in our faces. Feel priviledged.

10:55 PM 

Commented by  Katy Barzedor:

Oh, man, your description of her little ritual has me rollin'...I sympathize, but the meticulous insanity of felines never ceases to amaze/amuse me.

She beautiful. Give her a hug from me, but don't tell her it's from me. We can totally get one over on the cat.

1:06 AM 

Commented by  Anonymous:

But...she is BEAUTIFUL!

9:35 PM 

Commented by  Ern:

I think human children celebrate lots of events by pooping: Mommy coming home, getting up in the morning, Sesame Street time, lunch time, dinner time, nap time, Daddy getting on the internet, the glorious time of 2:37 in the afternoon, having their diaper changed....I could go on...

10:11 PM 

Commented by  Anonymous:

Here are a few steps to curing your problem "the cat"

1. First take a normal bat.
2. Find some nails and a hammer.
3. Pound the nails into the bat.
4. Once the nail bat is completed proceed to beat the cat to death!

No more problem! If you cant imagine what that would do to solve the problem, breif description is the cat is dead.

2:41 PM 

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